You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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