You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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