i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
