So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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