Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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