one might say we're banned from that church
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
