I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
