my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
