I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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