So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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