I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
