Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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