I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
