we have pet lesbian snakes
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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