Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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