oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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