He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize