the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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