my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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