two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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