fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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