Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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