So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
