somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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