I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
