Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
