sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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