Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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