When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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