I just pynch a tree in the face
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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