my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
