my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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