My room smells like vodka and shame
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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