you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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