so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
