thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
