"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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