Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
