apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
