Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize