unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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