The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
