Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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