You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
