After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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