thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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