Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
