Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
