Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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