I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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