i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
