She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
