I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
