So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
