They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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