WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The adults are the big ones right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
