My Higher Power is John Stamos
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
