dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We were destined to go to rehab together
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are the jesus of drinking
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
